Break-free & Be!

The chains are heavy, the cage suffocating

I would know, I built them myself.

In my desire to please others,

to be perceived as worthy & caring,

I never realised, all this while,

little at a time, my wings were breaking.

My heart hurt, legs were shaking

Every second,

I found my energy draining, away.

Why? I ask

Why did I choose this for myself?

Why am I not who I am?

As they emerge, not one but many reasons

that have led me here, over not one, but many years

I tell myself, clear and aloud

I can do this, I can break-free 

and Break, I will

every stereotype, every label

and be, only me, the true me!

Not, who I am supposed to be!

Non-apologetic, guilt free

Just me, the true me!

Not afraid to be me!

Just me, the true me!



It sure was a Happy Mother’s Day!

I am a worrier…no you read it correctly, ‘worry-ier’ not ‘warrior’. And ever since I became a mum, I believe I have turned into this paranoid me where my brain constantly filters all incoming information and thoughts first through a does-it-have-a-direct-impact-on-my-child lens and then what-about-an-indirect-impact lens followed by a I-cannot-see-an-impact-but-there-must-be-one-so-lets-make-one-up lens.

Its like my mind comes up with these wierd sense-less negative scenarios and they constantly play in the backdrop of all activity happening in my mind. At first, I used to blame my inner software tester, where the most important attribute to have is to be able to identify scenarios where the system would break and fail. But I think it got too far into my little ‘mommy-brain’.

My worst fear and a cause of constant worry was (and always will be, I guess) that my child will inherit my bad habits or acquire those traits of mine or shall I say drawbacks, which I am not proud of. Worse, what if she inherits my health problems…I would never forgive myself.

A vicious circle of negativity, ey! However, what came about as the most beautiful gift this Mother’s day was something that has slapped these negative thoughts down. My 8yo wrote me a poem, A POEM…..I wonder where she gets it from!!

So what if I pass on a few of my not-so-wonderful talents, such as the ability to sleep for 18 hours straight, at least she’s got something good from me, and heck ya, she’s much better at this than me. See it for yourself:

I Love You Mum

I love roses, I love lilies, but most of all I Love You

and that will always be so true

You hug me so tight

and wake me up when bright

Thank you for all you have done for me

and teach me so much so I succeed

I can rely on you and you can too

so Bestie, I Love You!!

~~Aa & her rainbow friend

N2knyJz1S2SBUH0gF5FzcgTold ya so!!

I hope all you mummies out there had a memorable day….I know I sure did!!



Tagged: Momma Drama

We all go through three phases in life. ‘My-mum-my-Superhero’ phase lasts for the first 10 years or so. Its the time when you look up to your mum for anything and everything; she’s the most beautiful face in the world with a cuddle so warm it could just melt your fears away. You tell her everything, share every dilemma, seek her advice on everything and apply it too.

Then comes the fun ‘I-am-the-rebel-hero’ phase. Pretty much when puberty hits. Suddenly, mum’s the one person who knows nothing. You pretty much know it all and know it better. Advice….Nah! Who needs that when you are high on ‘I have to prove I am a grown up’ hormones. Forget about sharing every minute detail of your life, telling her where you are and how long you’ll be there falls below the priority line on our growth chart.

‘My-mother-was-right’ phase follows, usually after having kids of your own. You cry while feeding your child at 1:46am, remembering and cherishing memories of your childhood, you appreciate how your mum could listen to the same story you just had to share with her endless number of times, how you were the top of her priority list every single time, how you became so mean to her, may be even outright rude at times, what pain she may have to brace while raising you…..and all you do is Thank her in your heart for simply being your mum and try and hope and pray that your child sees the ‘superhero’ in you one day.

Life is a full circle, one may wonder

An innocent rain is childhood, teenage a thunder

A storm is necessary at times to shake things up

Let’em fly, rain or thunder, wings up

Fly back home they always will

Aah…The joys of parenting

An empty nest at times

At times, all blanks fill









The Terror in Pink!! Eh..Slip!

Fun fact: when written in Chinese, the word Crisis is composed of 2 characters – one represents Danger & and the other represents Opportunity. I can so relate to it today and seriously, our fate depends on the part we focus upon. I truly believe that everything in this world happens for a reason, we are here for a reason, we are not at some place for a reason, we are not with some people for a reason, and a good one for that matter. Some things are way beyond our control and they should be left that way.

Anyway, this is what I am witnessing sitting here at my desk at Not-In-A-Very-Good-Phase workplace…..

A smile, A sad smile, A genuinely sad smile!
A guilty smile! I-did-try-my-best smile!!
A told-ya-not-to-mess-with-me smile!
A concerned smile! I-am-with-you smile!!
A fear smile! A so-many-years-in-vain smile!!
A confident smile! A Thank-God smile!

Uniform, Shoes and Cute Little Pigtails!

O my Little Princess

I couldn’t Sleep All Night

Tossing & Turning..Looking at your Angelic Face

Thinking if the time was Right

And As you take your First Steps towards that School Gate

I feel Something in my Heart is Sinking

You are all Delighted, proud of being a big girl today

But my Discomfort, You too are Sensing…

Running, You come Back to Me

to give me a Hug, my Sunshine

That Twinkle in your Eyes tells me

“Mamma I’ll be just Fine…”

There you go running back to the school

Excited to make new Friends and Explore new things

I am as excited too…

But as the gate closes and my Eyes can’t see You

I am restless again and the stupid Tears roll by

Your Father holds my hand and says,“She can manage”

“I know, I know she can…but can I?”

These aren’t the tears of joy I would say, nor of sadness or emptiness…

they are of mixed Feelings..feelings beyond words, that a Mother is made of…..

“My eyes can’t wait for the noon….”

O God!! Why do Little Girls grow up too very soon…