R U still looking for a job??

I have something for you, You definitely deserve this Reema” he said while handing over an envelope to me. I knew what it was, I was expecting it, But still when I was holding it I was trembling with excitement, like a small child opening her birthday present. I knew I had worked hard for this and now it was reaching out to me. I took out the letter from the envelope and on reading the announcement of my promotion to a group lead , elation was all one could have seen in my eyes. I wanted to scream, shout & cry. But of course, you cant do all that in a professional face. So I just slipped out of the room, after the formal “thank-you” and “oh-u-have-achieved-this-on-ur-own”.

If only I could hug Bhupesh and tell him the news, but he was thousands of miles away, for his work. I called him up and broke the news. Happy was the scene! I called up at my home, as I wanted to share this news with Aahana, I knew she could barely understand a word I say,poor gal was only 1.5 years old, but still I just had to share it with her instantly. I asked the maid to put the receiver on her ears. All I heard was her cooing and “mamma mamma”, but I knew she understood and was singing in joy of her mother’s happiness. Next I called both set of my parents and my brother. As I came back to my desk, wishes were pouring in from my team and other colleagues, but something was missing. My elation was dying out.

I tried to stay happy the whole day,convincing myself that I should be. I took a pack of pastries home, for my little doll to relish and took her out for dinner as well. But there, still, something was missing. I think I saw no point in celebrating anything without Bhupesh being present with us. I wanted him to be there with me on this happy day.

A few days earlier I had the same feeling when the results of the 3rd semester had been declared. We both were doing MBA from SIBM,together. How could I celebrate a good score alone….

Bhupesh had been offered a position in KL, and he was going to-n-fro between KL and Pune until his work permits were done. We had talked about all of us moving to KL, only after the MBA was finished.

My lone feelings were tolerable but it was painful to see a little girl to miss her dad. She would watch Bhupesh’s pic the first thing in the morning.She would be excited on hearing his voice on phone but more disappointed & cranky when the line would go off. She would want to take him out of the laptop when I would show her the webcam chat. Little did she know that dad was miles away & missing her too. She would call out “papa” from the balcony when she would see a man crossing below.

It gradually appeared to me that I was torturing this young girl and her dad to stay apart, only because of my job. I had not thought of myself as an ambitious girl so, why was I doing this..why was I making him, her & myself go through this phase….I would think over again n again, night over nights.

I tried to work out some workarounds – getting a relocation to KL myself or an unpaid leave, but to no avail.

I, finally, resigned!

Alike, any other lifestyle change, this change also came with its own set of excitement as well as adjustments & compromises. My baby gal was keeping me busy, along with other household tasks. I was amazed by this little gal’s dramas…A part of my mind was enjoying all this change – being with my baby full time, playing with her, teaching her…..but the other half, or I should say a major part was missing my previous state. I was missing my workplace, my work, my colleagues and friends, my home in Pune…..

When Aahana began her pre-school, I thought I would go insane sitting at home..I tried shopping( which I could hardly do, out of a strange guilt of not being an earner now), learning piano, gymming….nothing helped much. I was desperately searching for a job, not getting any made my situation worse. I would remain irritated, I would have rather quick mood swings, I would sometimes take out my frustration on my family too..In short..I was going in depression. Bhupesh was understanding and at every opportunity would try to ease me out, he would talk to me to get me out of this mental situation….A year passed by!

Only until recently, I had a good talk with myself! Somehow, It made me feel really convinced/satisfied/content with my current situation. Just because I don’t have a kind of job that I used to have, I cannot kill the rest of my life. My daughter is little more grown up , Bhupesh has been promoted, I have a good friend circle, what else do I need from my life. IT ain’t the only kind of job I can do. I searched my heart out to find out exactly what kind of things I like to do. I like to write – Ok, so here I started writing. I like to read – Bookshops are open everyday…get some! I would like to try some good cooking – Internet/recipe books at your service madame. Try out new games with aahana – here you go!and I am doing all this now.

My neighbor aunty, who has been a witness to all these Ups-n-Downs in the last year, asked me today “ Are you still looking for a job” , and to my surprise I actually said” No Open-mouthed smile!”

19 thoughts on “R U still looking for a job??

  1. I am becoming a fan of ur writing !!! Every word seems real .. Situations that most of us have gone thru or might go thru.. u are giving them words..
    Keep it up..

    Like

  2. Hello Reema;

    U have done a wonderful job…

    In life most of the time we go for those things which are not in r hands and forget to appreciate the one which we are have..
    gr8 going girl….

    Like

  3. We grow up aspiring to be THIS or THAT!! How often we equate self worth to the ‘job’ ..let me rephrase it ‘paying job’ that we do…it isn’t the world, but it is just us who demeans oneself by NOT working……There is a line from ‘Forrest Gump’ movie that I totally relate to and try and perk myself up with it, “Life is like a box of chocolates! You never know what you gonna get!”

    Transitions in life are never easy but I making those transitions is of paramount importance and the toughest thing. Accepting it and hence enjoying it, makes living a lot easier! Only thing constant is change hence, ‘zindagi ek safar hain suhaana, yahaan kal kya hoo, kiske jaana’…jo abhi hain, ussme optimise karo….kal ka kal dekhii jayegii….:) 😀

    Like

  4. Dear, you know I heard about blog from someone…u knw whom:)… I am reading it now… Its really wonderful! I know, I knew most part of this blog but not the final decision :)!!! As I always told you, U already have a full time BETTER job…Job which does not have a REPLACEMENT:)…so that’s the reason its better paid (paid in terms of the smiles which u ll get from Ahana, love from Bhupesh….etc etc…u better know)…ENJOY this part of your life ……!!! Lots of love ….Tavleen….Miss you:)

    Like

  5. Reema, this blog is great and I loved reading it till the end. It truly represents the problems faced by working mothers today and the ones especially into IT industry, But the good part is that you found happiness & peace through your cute little daughter and husband and decided to devote your time to them and see them growing in their lives and career. I would say your daughter and husband are the most fortunate to have you as the supporting backbone in their lives which they should be proud of or will be in future. Please continue writing and explore new areas too where you may have hidden talent and there is a scope to discover.

    Like

  6. Pingback: Would this be my last post? « Reema Arora

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s